What the Ladyboys taught me.

Dear Wilson,

Tonight, we went to a real ladyboy show. This is not a drag show where it's just chicks with dicks lol. These are actual ladyboys that have had the full sex change. Trust me, many of them did NOT look like they were ever men. 

The show runs nightly and the ladyboys are always out at the market before the show waving and winking at people as they walk by to try to entice them into going to see this strange show. This is how we found out about it and apparently their marketing strategy works, haha. We were just shopping at the market one day when we saw the group of "girls". The 5 of us decided we would attend on another night. 

Anyway, we asked Wah if she wanted to go with us and she said yes. So we met up at the Anusarn Market to grab some dinner then walked over to where they sell the tickets for the show. They had general admission and VIP tickets. I was a little nervous about buying VIP tickets because that means we would have a private table right at the stage but I decided that's what we would do. These days I seem to enjoy making myself as uncomfortable as possible so I purposely put myself in situations like this. I didn't exactly want special attention from ladyboys but fuck it, let's see how it goes. 

The show started and I was very impressed how you truly couldn't tell most of them were previously men. There was one that still looked like a man but it was on purpose for the humor of the show. Basically the spokesperson for the show was manly with a large belly to make us laugh. "She" came around the audience and started kissing guys on the cheek. For one guy, she asked for a kiss on the cheek and as soon as he went in for the kiss she turned and got lip action lolol. Glad that wasn't me I thought to myself. But then I was the next target and she walked up to me and gave me a big kiss on the cheek 😳. That was… well not ideal, but whatever it's part of the show I guess. They proceeded with more theatrical dancing and music. Then a Lady Gaga song came on and this "girl" with tape on her boobs and a seductive outfit came on stage. As the song was going, what do you know, she came up to me as well. She wanted me to grab her boobs. Glad I was about 6 beers deep at this point so I could be a good sport… So…. Yep I stuck my hand in her bra and grabbed her boobs with a tip in hand. So… what I learned is that those boobs feel like the real deal. Yep, nipples and all… Just being honest guys. I went along with it and everyone thought it was sooooo funny. You should have seen Brandt's face when he saw his dad with a hand on a ladyboy's tits. Cali was LOVING it and Chloe was like WTF. Erica and Wah were about to fall over they were laughing so hard. 

Next, the music was lowered and the dancers left the stage. The manly ladyboy asked for 4 volunteers. I don't recall ANYONE raising their hands out of fear I assume. I damn sure wasn't raising my hand. Of everyone in that audience (about 300 people), what do you know, she walks up to me first. She grabbed my hand and I was forced to go on stage first. Then she selected 3 other "victims". I swear everytime I go to a show I go on stage. Then they closed the stage curtains and told us to walk backstage! We walked into the dressing room where all of the "girls" were getting dressed for the next act. Here I was, surrounded by about 15-20 ladyboys in a DRESSING ROOM. How in the fuck did this happen? I'm in a Thailand ladyboys' dressing room with 3 other strangers that seemed just as uncomfortable as me. Well except for one guy, he seemed to be loving it. I'm going to be honest, I saw these "girls" up close and personal. You don't know how fucked up it feels when you look at them and think to yourself as 2 different people. In my mind there was Ben 1 and Ben 2. Ben 1 is honest. Ben 2 is embarrassed and weirded out. Here's a clip of my mental commentary… Don't fucking judge me. At least I'm real with my readers! 

Ben1: "Wow, some of them are actually super pretty. 

Ben2: Fuck Ben, you can't think that. Stfu Ben1, they used to be men. 

Ben1: Yeah but to be honest, look at them. They are like actual women now. Hard to say they are a man if they truly don't have a dick. Boobs look real, and they have very feminine bodies. Especially that one standing right next to me, she is actually by anyone's standards a "beautiful woman". 

Ben2: Yeah I see her. WTF… Ok I'm done. I don't want to think about it anymore. Just be a man and put your fucking dress on. Stop looking at them weirdo. 

Ben1: I mean it's pretty interesting to see. It's no big deal to look. It's just an experience. Relax and take in the moment. 

Ben2: Fuck that. I gotta hurry up and get out of here. I feel weird as fuck and now I'm in a dress and wig. I bet I'm one ugly bitch.

They took our shirts off, so now we are all being undressed by ladyboys. Yes, this actually happened… They proceeded to slip a dress 👗 over us and a wig. I would normally refuse but I'm kind of stuck at this point. About 7 beers made it easier to laugh and just go with the flow. After we were "dressed 👗" (pun intended 🤣), they made us go stand behind the curtain. I'm thinking to myself "omfg, I'm about to go on stage in front of all of these people and in front of my kids with a fucking dress on. #father of the year". They opened the curtain and the crowd roared with laughter. At this point 7 beers doesn't help. I'm pretty embarrassed to be honest. Then she asked our names. I responded "Ben" in my normal voice. She said "um no that's not going to work, we need your woman voice". Fml. So I said Ben in a "mouse like" voice. That way I didn't have to sound exactly like a woman. The next guy they made him sing the "Barbie" song. And the guy after that had to twerk. So I got lucky. Then we walked around the audience and people started stuffing money in our dresses for tips. After that the show wound down and we took lots of pictures with the girls. Gave out a lot of tips too. 

This was humiliating lol. But hey, I did it. I would like to see most people do this and then confess in a blog later to the world. Yeah that's right, you know you would be scared to. So for the sake of a good story for my family and readers. I knew VIP was going to make it interesting to say the least. 

My kids, Erica, and Wah had a blast! Brandt was silent and completely shocked at what he had watched throughout the show. Chloe said "this is the most fun and best show of my life!" Cali agreed this was the best show ever and she said these "girls" were making her question what she likes haha. Keep in mind my kids have been to the best shows in Vegas and this show was so hilarious that it rivals any show in Vegas to be honest. 

Now I want to tell you guys what I honestly learned on this special night. First off, I realized that even though I know these "girls" are not like most people and they do not fit in society's mold, they are still humans. I do actually have respect for them now. One of the biggest reasons I have respect for them is because they decided what they wanted in this life and they executed the plan. They went "all in" and got a complete sex change. That seems very scary to do but they did it. You don't have to agree with their decision. It's not our job to judge them or tell them how to live their lives. I will say this… What actually annoys me is all of the "I identify as x" out there. Listen, if you look like a man but identify as a woman, please don't get mad at me if I don't know what you are. I can't respect a decision to be a woman unless you cut your dick off. If you are going to talk the talk, then walk the walk. All of the misgendering is because people don't look like what they "identify as". I personally hate that shit. I respect someone wayyyy more if they live and die by their decisions. These women may have started as men. But honestly at this point, if they truly don't have a dick and have more estrogen running through their bodies than most women, how can we still call them men? For those reasons, since they truly went all out on their wishes, I will call them girls. After all, you really can't call them men. Men have dicks. Just saying… The term ladyboy is fun to say but I bet those humans inside those bodies would prefer to be called what they have so desperately tried to become. A woman. So I will respect their decisions. We don't know their stories and we don't know why they did what they did. I'm just saying I respect that they made up their minds and did what makes them happy. 

To all of the haters out there… No, I'm not gay because I wrote this blog. No I don't want to fuck a ladyboy. No, I don't want to be a ladyboy. I just have a newfound respect for people that "go for it" in life. I think we can all learn something from this. I know I definitely did. This was a super honest blog. You are entitled to your opinions.

Thanks to my wife, kids, and Wah for being open-minded enough to enjoy this experience. I recommend everyone go to a show and experience something that "rattles your internal cage".  I fucking dare you. 

#respect